People’s loss of energy has been always been a somewhat distant phenomenon for me. I’ve interpreted it as nothing but the lack of willpower and proper motives. Why would you not have energy pursuing something of your genuine interest? Bullocks.
I’ve always been full of energy. Not the full of energy also knows as always sunshine and rainbows, but more of the let’s do everything one can possibly do on planet earth full of energy. The “when the fuck did you have time to do that?” kind of full of energy.
Being energised and on the way to pursuit another task or interest has grown to be a part of my identity – both to myself and others. It’s most definitely one of the stories I subconsciously tell myself on a daily basis.
Feeling like this is absolutely great. Energy transforms into passion and interest. It’s the foundation for just about everything and I strongly believe that the initial momentum required to start any process is energy in its purest form.
Though, always feeling an energetic urge certainly has its downfalls. It leaves one always feeling like there is more to be done, and limits the feeling of joy when something is accomplished. You’re always looking forward. Always looking ahead. Your eyes are set on what has to be done.
But yes! Energy. I’m full of it. What happens when you’re full of energy? You keep on going. And going. And going. And going. And going…. […]. And going (remember the thing about always having your eyes set on what has to be done?). Then, when you’re all busy going (and going, and going), this happens.
All of sudden you’re stuck on the side of the mountain of energy with nothing but a tiny tiny rope. Not the kind of nice elvish rope that Sam and Frodo got their hands on, but the kind of nasty rope that’s somewhat torn apart and has this funky smell that just won’t go away.
As you don’t want to fall down into the pit of being burned out, this is when you become somewhat more careful. You really don’t want to break the rope under any circumstances, and the rope is fragile as fuck.
This is when you have to start to realise that some of the things you’re currently doing in life probably doesn’t mean shit for you (and that’s a good thing to realise!). You cut any strings to these commitments. You get some well-deserved rest. You start to prioritise your physical and mental health once again. Slowly and steadily you’re getting back on track.
This summarises my last few weeks.
Never ever have I experienced what it feels like to be totally out of energy. It’s been a trip into the wonderland of nothingness that has been tremendously alarming and fascinating at the same time. I now have a better understanding for my own limits, but also a greater understanding for how other people feel when they express their lack of energy (which I really, really, haven’t been able to before). But most importantly, I know for sure where I don’t want to end up (the slow death of having no energy).
The coming weeks are dedicated to nothing but energising activities and expressions of happiness, gratitude and love. I’ll most definitely spend oh so many hours practicing Jiu-Jitsu, programming and hanging out with the people closest to me.